God thunked.

As a continuation of yesterday's post...

I don't want to record my songs. But God has asked me to do many things I didn't want to do. And I couldn't fully express my gratitude to Him in the end.

Thinking back to freshman year at TU when I told Megan Decker that playing piano had always been a "me" thing...a hobby...an outlet for stress. She convinced me to play for Mass once. In my mind it was a train wreck, and I left Mass so furious with myself that I vowed to never do it again.

God had other plans.

I succeeded Megan as music director. It took the full two years, but I managed to trump my uncontrollable, irrational performance anxiety as an accompanist. God broke me down and showed me that my musical gifts belong to Him alone.

Then my dearest Newmanite successor and roommate twisted my arm to cantor the responsorial psalm at a Mass which ended as a train wreck complete with silent vow. In fact as I informed the Vandy+Catholic music director of how I would like to serve within the music ministry I specifically stated, "I DO NOT CANTOR."

God had other plans.

Now I'm entering my second year as music director for V+C, and I'm regularly cantoring for multiple daily and Sunday masses each week. And I actually kind of like it. Who woulda thunk?

God thunked.

So, in my mind God has finally won. He's pried my musical gifts from the death-grip of my walled-off heart and has me joyfully sharing my God-given talents with my community.

But my new adventures in songwriting...that's a "me and him" thing. Back off.

Everyone is telling me I should record...but why? I'm NOT trying to break into the music business...like at all. I may question whether my career vocation is truly to be a pediatric audiologist, but I'm pretty darn sure it isn't to be a professional musician.

Dear sweet Holy Spirit, please stop encouraging my friends to encourage me to record my songs. Their opinions are biased anyways. I'd rather not listen.

Based on my track record, I'm betting God has other plans.

Thank goodness love is a choice and not a feeling. That way I can choose to respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and explore this recordiing idea while never admitting to liking it.